The All Time ‘Everton That’ Squad

There have been several players over the years who have been a thorn in Everton’s side. Whether it’s a hat-trick after not scoring all season, a 19-year-old rightback emulating prime Cafu, or a player who has an Everton voodoo doll on their nightstand, we’ve seen it all.

We took a stab at creating a squad of players both past and present who have made it their goal to torture us in any and every way possible.

Anyone we missed? Please express your grief in the comments below.

Starting XI

FW - Les Ferdinand - 22 apps/16G/3A

Les Ferdinand played for nearly 10 clubs in his impressive career and somehow managed to score against Everton with four of them; Queens Park Rangers, Newcastle, Tottenham Hotspur, and Leicester. Evidently enough, Ferdinand’s 16 goals against the Blues were the most against any single team in his career.

FW - Ian Wright - 16 apps/13G/1A

Believe it or not, only Southampton have allowed more goals from Ian Wright than Everton, with the Englishman knocking in 14 against the Saints and 13 against the Blues. In 11 Premier League matches against Everton, Wright found the back of the net eight times. If we go back even further before the Premier League even existed, Wright scored five goals in five games, with four of those coming all in one match, a 4-2 win for Arsenal in 1991.

FW - Alan Shearer - 28 apps/18G/7A

Alan Shearer was an easy one to add to the squad considering he’s basically scored against everyone. Not much else to say really.

MF - Frank Lampard - 39 apps/10G/5A

Frank Lampard just had to make his way into this team didn’t he? Lampard broke all Everton hearts with his winner in the 2009 FA Cup Final.

MF - James Milner - 33 apps/5G/7A

While James Milner has only scored five goals against Everton, four of them came with different teams; Leeds, Aston Villa, Manchester City, and Liverpool. We just can’t get away from him.

MF - Nemanja Matic - 15 apps/2G/5A

Matic is an interesting one. In 15 matches against Everton for both Manchester United and Chelsea, he scored two goals and assisted five. Both goals were scored with Chelsea, which makes Everton the only Premier League team in which Matic scored more than one goal in all competitions. He also tacked on four assists with Chelsea and one with Manchester United, the most assists against any single team in his career.

DF - Ricardo Pereira - 5 apps/1G/3A

Despite playing only four games against Everton, Ricardo Pereira has recorded one goal and two assists, with both assists being game-winning assists; a 1-0 winner in January of 2019 and a 2-1 winner in December of 2019, thanks to a Kelechi Iheanacho 90th minute goal. Pereira also provided an assist in the devastating League Cup quarter final penalty shootout loss to Leicester City a few weeks later. 2019 was his year of torture against the Blues.

DF - Paul Scharner - 14 apps/5G/1A

Paul Scharner loved punishing Everton during his career. Despite being a defender, Scharner collected five goals and one assist in 12 Premier League matches against the Blues, the most goals scored against one team in his career.

DF - Gary Cahill - 20 apps/4G/0A

Gary Cahill has scored four goals against Everton, only scoring more against West Ham with five. Three of Cahill’s goals came from a very average Bolton side, and all (of course) came three seasons in a row, which coincidentally enough ended in wins for the Trotters.

DF - Antonio Valencia - 21 apps/2G/4A

Antonio Valencia is another one that loves breaking Blue hearts. In 20 Premier League matches, Valencia scored two and assisted four. Both of his goals ended up being game winners and two assists were game-winning assists as well.

GK - Nick Pope - 8 apps/5W-1D-2L/9GA/2CS

Amongst all the goalies who have caused pain to Everton over the years, Nick Pope certainly has to top the list. With an impressive record against the Blues, Pope has always looked like a prime Lev Yashin against us.

Substitutes

GK Brad Friedel - 24 apps/9W-8D-7L/26GA/7CS

Friedel always seemed to frustrate the Blues, whether he was with Blackburn or Aston Villa. In all eight of his Premier League matches against us with Villa, Friedel recorded three wins, four draws, and only one loss, while keeping two clean sheets in the process.

GK Adrian - 13 apps/5W-4D-4L/18GA/2CS

Adrian maintained a decent track record against Everton, especially later on in his career. However, fans will never forget THAT game.

DF Florian Lejeune - 5 apps/2G/0A

Florian Lejeune has scored only two goals in his Premier League career. Can you guess who they were against? Hint: they both came in one game in a matter of minutes.

FW Gabby Agbonlahor - 18 apps/7G/5A

Despite a failed career in punditry, whenever Agbonlahor suited up, you could only close your eyes and pray. The former Aston Villa winger scored seven and assisted five in 18 matches against the Blues.

FW Christian Benteke - 17 apps/6G/1A

While Christian Benteke has alleviated his goal scoring prowess against the Blues in the recent years, he still has some solid stats against Everton, scoring six and assisting once in 16 Premier League encounters. Blues will know him well, as four of those six came at Goodison.

FW Harry Kane - 15 apps/14G/0A

Harry Kane has a truly remarkable goal-scoring record against Everton, with a whopping 14 goals in 15 matches. Not only that, but those goals came from six braces (yes, SIX).

FW - Danny Ings - 15 apps/7G/3A

Danny Ings has somehow managed seven goals and three assists with FOUR different sides against Everton - Burnley, Liverpool, Southampton, and Aston Villa.

FW - Divock Origi - 12 apps/6G/1A

Divock Origi has scored six goals in nine Premier League appearances against Everton including THAT goal.

FW Joshua King - 11 apps/8G/5A

There has only been ONE match in which Joshua King has played against Everton and hasn’t scored or assisted. In 10 Premier League matches against the Blues, he has eight goals and five assists. After a wretched half-season with the Toffees, he made a move to Watford, where on his return to Goodison, he scored his first goal(s) of the season in the form of a hat-trick after failing to do anything with Everton the season prior. Everton, that.

FW Gabriel Jesus - 10 apps/8G/1A

Gabriel Jesus has been one of Everton’s biggest threats in recent years, scoring eight and assisting once in nine Premier League matches with Manchester City. Here’s hoping he cools off a bit with Arsenal.

FW - Callum Wilson - 8 apps/6G/2A

Callum Wilson has been a pain to Everton for what seems like ages now. Wilson has scored three braces against the Toffees dating back to 2019, once with Bournemouth and twice with Newcastle. Well-deserving of an option off the bench.

FW Grant Holt - 5 apps/3G/0A

Grant Holt only played against Everton five times, but seemed to torment us in every one. With three goals to his name against the Blues, Holt makes for a valuable bench option. I STILL have nightmares about his winner against Everton in 2013. After leading 1-0 with nearly five minutes left to play, Kei Kamara scored the equalizer in the 84th minute, which coincidently enough, ended up being the ONLY goal he’d score for Norwich (sigh). Norwich continued to push on late in the 90th minute and the rest is history.

*Honorable Mention - Jordi Gomez - 8 apps/1G/2A

Jordi Gomez scored once and assisted once in Everton’s (un)forgettable 3-0 loss to Wigan Athletic in the FA Cup Quarterfinal, and for that alone, he deserves a shoutout. The Latics would go on to lift the trophy that season, led by Roberto Martinez.