There is a huge rift among the Everton squad and the next manager better be ready to deal with some serious dysfunction and infighting.
“I’ve never seen a team more divided in the Premier League, ever,” some random guy with no affiliation with the club said.
The dressing room is totally divided into two camps: Team Kate and Team Meghan, with neither side wanting to budge.
Oumar Niasse, ever the traditionalist, believes that Meghan Markle’s simple yet elegant design was the perfect dress for the Royal Wedding.
Tom Davies, on the other hand, favors a more fashion-forward statement and wishes that the new Duchess would’ve taken more risks.
“What type of risk could she have taken, Tom? She’s dealing with the Royal f----- family, here! Don’t be so daft,” said Phil Jagielka.
“Bloody hell! Becoming a royal does come with a whole bunch of rules, including no wedges and no bare legs,” Mason Holgate said.
“Fine, the Queen won’t allow her to wear a halter top or go all out Pnina Tornai but a little bit of lace could have really livened up her whole look,” Seamus Coleman countered.
“I agree with Seamie,” Dominic Colvert-Lewin said. “I’m Team Kate. I will never get over those lace sleeves. You guys are depressing me and I can no longer play alongside of you if you honestly believe that Meghan’s dress was iconic.”
Wayne Rooney, who tried to stay neutral by commenting that he thought Posh and Becks looked really nice, is so sick of the whole thing that he is moving to America, where there are no royals.
Leighton Baines, ever the rebel, had this sick burn, “And what about Harry? What’s so great about his look? Looked a little scruffy, to be honest.”
We hope these guys get this figured out in time for pre-season training. If not, Everton may have to shut down completely.