If the Merseyside Derby happens and almost no one takes interest, did it really happen?

Sandwiched between Liverpool’s eventually successful Champions League quarterfinal tie with Manchester City, and on the same day as a possibly title-deciding Manchester Derby, this year’s matchup of long-standing rivals at Goodison had a bit of an anti-climactic feel to it.

Sure, EVERY Everton supporter wanted to get a win over their high-flying Stanley Park rivals, but with Liverpool admittedly looking forward to their second leg matchup and fielding a lineup missing Player of the Year candidate Mohammed Salah and striker Roberto Firmino any win would have had a bit of luster taken off of it.

Oh, and Everton hate their manager.

So how did it go??

This just about sums it up:

Sure, there were moments of almost brilliance:

Overall though, the Derby wasn’t anything near matchups of the past.

That being said, the Toffees SHOULD have won after missing a handful of great opportunities in the last quarter of the match.

A fact even the wonderful Cenk Tosun himself admitted afterwards:

Ugh.

How many more weeks left in this dreadful campaign?

5?!?!?!?!

Let’s just get to your questions.

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If you are unsure to whom we are referring, the questions is about Shani Tarashanj, a player brought in by Roberto Martinez and exiled by every manager since.

To give you an idea of how little of a chance Shani has of ever suiting up for the Blues again, let’s do a list:

5 THINGS MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN THAN SHANI TARASHAJ SUITING UP FOR EVERTON:

1. Everton win the Premier League
2. Morgan Schneiderlin shows some hustle
3. Bill Kenwright is named in the matchday squad
4. Wayne Rooney wins a foot race
5. Big Sam goes on a gravy-free diet

Put another way:

1. No.

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I REALLY hope Marcel Brands is brought in. Seems like a guy with connections and a vision.

Let’s just say I would be COMPLETELY happy if the following took place:

While I have seen some concerns expressed about Paulo Fonseca, I believe he is JUST the type of manager Everton need:

He is a young, driven, multi-league successful manager who has a style of play that is forward-thinking without being over zealous.

He connects with his players, oooooooooooooozes confidence and reminds me of Mauricio Pochettino.

Yeah, I said it.

Don’t @ me.

(Actually do @ me (@foleysthoughts)....I could use the social media interactions)

If Fonseca doesn’t work out, I personally would rather roll the dice on Arteta than Howe as I don’t know if Howe would elevate the club as much as stabilize it, while Mikel Arteta (alebit inexperienced) has the potential to push the club to new heights.

(Or crash and burn spectacularly, but what do we really have to lose, right?)

There is of course ONE THING we can ALL agree upon:

We will be better off when Big Sam is gone.

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A reminder of Big Sam’s influence:

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I HEART LEIGHTON

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Everton are a little like a college student:

• Convinced of their rightful place at the top of the pyramid
• Overwhelmed by the realization they have fallen short of their short (and long) term goals.
• Unable to accept responsibility for their own shortcomings.
• Absolutely certain the next major change will pivot the course for them
• TERRIFIED to admit their approach is archaic for fear of what it may say about their previous decision-making.

Example:

All I know is that as long as Fonseca comes in everything will change, the team can finally stop being held back by thethe evil forces that conspire against the Toffees and Everton will regain their rightful place atop the League.

In reality, the first step is to bring in a manager and Director of Football who have a plan to transition a talented just incomplete squad into a consistently competitive, always spirited bunch.

Once that happens, the good vibes will come back to Goodison and the team can get back to scratching and clawing to reach the Top 4, instead of avoiding the Bottom 3.

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I LOVE puns.

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Support the only team that wears our sacred crest AND is actually competitive!

We’ll have a match preview up soon as well.

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That’s an utterly ridiculous notion.

No member of the Allardyce family has ever had a PE bag.

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TOFFEE TUNES

The Friend, Love, Freefall

RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE

A great album that will keep your foot tapping from start to finish. The name is odd but the music is fantastic.

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