clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Moshiri insinuates Lukaku left because of Voodoo, Ross’ agent couldn’t be found

Eye-opening comments from the Board in today’s AGM

Manchester United v Everton - Premier League Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

Just when you thought the books on the Romelu Lukaku and Ross Barkley transfer stories were closed, comments made today by various members of the Board during the Everton AGM make life extremely interesting giving us new details on how everything went down.

According to Farhad Moshiri, Everton had three stars, John Stones, Romelu Lukaku, and Ross Barkley and they are all gone now.

But in terms of the Ross transfer, what was most interesting was this comment:

“For 6 months we couldn’t find the agent (of Ross). Bill miraculously got an offer of £35m for a player who was agent but he didn’t want to go when he was injured.”

How on earth you can’t find an agent for six months is beyond me. I just don’t understand how that happens. In this modern world that is more connected than at any time in history, I do not understand how on earth you fail to find a person directly involved in a multi-million pound transaction for six months.

Unless...

Unless Ross Barkley’s agent was on a pilgrimage like Romelu Lukaku’s mother.

Okay... I’m gonna dust off my Bachelor’s degree in Religion here and dissect Moshiri’s comment just a second. In African religion, seeing a ‘voodoo’ or, probably more accurately, a ‘vodun’ would be like encountering an angel or demon in more westernized religions. We’re talking about an alleged encounter with a spirit being. This is the grandfather religion to the stuff that you might find made light of in gift shops on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

A pilgrimage of the voodoo religion in Africa would most likely be somewhere in West Africa or Central Africa. So, the story that Moshiri is telling us is that Lukaku’s mother went to Africa while her son sat in England encountered a spirit that told him he should go to Chelsea. Remember, Lukaku is of Congolese origin so this kind of checks out.

Well then.

In light of all this it makes perfect sense that he went back home to Chelsea to play for the club of his idol Didier... wait a minute, that’s not what he did at all. I have no idea why this entire voodoo story is relevant to what actually happened.

Apparently, it was Romelu Lukaku getting the spirit message, but Ross Barkley who actually listened to it and moved to Stamford Bridge. Wires must have gotten crossed in the spiritual world.

Interesting comment that, because it says we offered Lukaku a better deal than Chelsea, but likely not better than what Manchester United offered. Also, Barkley was not seen to be as valuable as the Belgian.

But, clearly, in both the case of Ross Barkley and the case of Romelu Lukaku, there were bizarre happenings at play. Lukaku was apparently only half way listening to vodun spirits from Africa. Meanwhile Barkley’s agent was no where to be found, likely hacking away in the African jungle as well in the search for Dr. Livingstone, we presume.