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Toffees Mailbag: Merseyside Derby Day Edition!

Answering all of your relevant, and irreverent, Everton questions.

In today’s mailbag we cover everything from canned foods to boy bands.

And a liiiiiiiitle bit of soccer.

But first, on this most anxious and exciting of days, let’s warm up with a song!

(Sung to the tune of “Youre Off to Great Places” by Dr. Seuss)

It’s Derby Day

It’s Derby Day

You’re across Stanley Park

You’re off and away

The glory is waiting

So get on your way!

So here’s to hoping the Toffees win today!


It certainly does feel like a lost season already, doesn’t it?

Provided Everton doesn’t go on an FA Cup run (getting through this weekend would be a miracle), the matches from February until May will require players to dig deep into their reserves of pride, as exterior motivation will be severely lacking.

While players like Luke Garbutt and others will be fighting for relevance, others will be spinning their wheels waiting for next season to start.

With all that being said, however, I do not agree that Everton should stand pat during this window.

While January sales tend to be uninspiring and almost always involve overpriced and/or unhappy players, the reality of the soccer world is that if you aren’t moving forwards you are moving backwards.

While many aren’t thrilled with the money spent to get Cenk Tosun, he is exactly the type of signing the Toffees need to be making during the January window in that he addresses an immediate need and also have the chance to work his way into the squad during said meaningless matches.

Kayserispor v Besiktas - Turkish Super lig
Tosun will look to have a positive start at Goodison
Photo by Soccrates/Getty Images

To me this is a far better situation for new signings to walk into than the high pressure, produce-now world that August and the beginning of the season bring. (Just ask Davy and Sandro.)

Fans will be excited to see Tosun hit the ground running, but the former Besiktas man will also know that a bit of a slow start won’t disrupt the Toffees ambitions and that should give him piece of mind.

Why am I so confident that is Big Sam’s thinking?

He said as much himself:

If it doesn’t work straight away, it doesn’t work straight away and we have to accept that it won’t happen, then we’ll continue to bring him on and see if he can produce by the time the season develops.

So while outside of Cenk Tosun (goals cost money) I do think that the Toffees should take a frugal approach to this window, there are far too many holes in the lineup for the Toffees to sit pat and not act.

(Center back, left back, winger come to mind....)

The last thing to consider is that should the Toffees just allow the season to die out with a whimper, there would be very little positive feeling to carry into the summer window, possibly hampering the Toffees efforts to improve as weary possible signings reflect upon a Spring in which it was obvious the club was without short-term ambition.

Not exactly the sales pitch you want to make to a new signing considering joining your side.

So while Everton may not want to invest in a squad overhaul this January, I do think the market has changed to the point where the current window is no longer considered a ‘second-rate’ one, but rather a time of opportunity in which each potential purchase should be approached with the utmost weariness and skepticism, as things aren’t always what they seem.

Teams that are aiming to win something are forced to overpay by intelligent feeder teams to fill their needs, while teams on the downward spiral seek to unload assets before their value bottoms out completely when relegation becomes a reality.

Luckily for the Toffees they are in neither camp and can enter the market seeking to fill needs, but not in any sort of rush that will force them into a bad buy.

They can do that on their own.

� Everton FC

A peek at Everton working on their attacking patterns......

This is why Everton are the best:

The mailbag forages into new lands.

More specifically:

English Tea Toast Territory

So first let’s take a peek at our two competitors:

Now to some of our American readers these options may seem a bit peculiar, but don’t forget that Americans drink Mountain Dew like it is the elixir of life and yet it is BANNED in over 100 countries because of some of it’s ingredients that give it that urine smell and awful taste (which apparently a lot of people like) but also helps keep carpets and other home draperies from catching on fire.

(All of a sudden some Chef Boyardee on bread doesn’t seem so weird does it?)

Anyways, when I consider what goes best with tea I have a few thoughts:

  • The ravioli seems to a bit too much sustenance to pair with the bread. It should COMPLEMENT the bread, not totally dominate it.
  • The dough is a bit much to be putting on the bread, even if I am a firm supporter of ravioli.
  • It’s kind of like cheesy bread on top of bread. Not bad, just not perfect.
  • The beans, on the other hand, seem a bit out of place on toast not due to flavor (or even my own domestic customs) but due to shape.
  • Do you cut a piece of toast carefully without letting the beans fall off and then scoop it? Or do you cut off some toast and then stab bread and beans with the tines of the fork together?
  • If the latter and not the former, is it a constant struggle to maintain a proper beans to bread ratio?

Now, while mulling which of these two were the better choice with your daily tea, I couldn’t help but find myself circling back to the same conclusion.

So the question is:

This option provides the same equal balance between topping and bread that the beans do, while offering a more enjoyable and easy dining experience.

With a flatter surface than the beans, this options makes keeping a proper grouping of complimentary toppings on a piece of bread which you are separating from the main slice. You can even cleanly slice through this topping, unlike the beans.

With an enjoyable texture, delicious flavor, and easy to east style, the answer to your Teat Toast Troubles is neither beans NOR ravioli......’s none other than.....

Everton’s age distribution compared to the rest of the Premier League.

  • Frosted tips and odd lines in hair
  • Aura of overcompensating confidence
  • Takes himself way too serious
  • Propped up by more talented team members


Mason is the last member of any boy band.

(Who weirdly enough is ALWAYS pictured on the left.)

Check it out.









Queens of the Stone Age


I know that Toffee Tunes has only been a feature of the mailbag for a few months, but I wanted to take the first mailbag of 2018 to proclaim an album of the year.

There were a lot of quality albums this year, but I would be lying if I said this was a difficult decision.

Villains is an album that is nothing short of a masterpiece.

Try and appreciate it in it’s time.