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Toffees Mailbag: Everton’s horrific Halloween edition

Answering your most irreverent but relevant Everton questions

It’s been a long few weeks for us Toffees.

You have reasoned with yourself, allowed yourself to lose control, and probably asked yourself why you watch sports in the first place.

I don’t want to write another article espousing my views on an obviously tumultuous situation at Goodison. If you are an Everton fan you have no doubt spent the last few weeks in the doldrums, worried about the future of the club.

So, let’s kick off the mailbag with a positive story.

Read below and remember just WHY you have (and will always) support Everton.

(I have pulled the story out below the original tweet to make it easier to read)

To your questions

Ummm.......did you really have to ask???

The deal was simple:

In exchange for his soul, Ashley Williams would get one more chance to try and make the World Cup.

Unfortunately, Ashley was hesitant to let go of his soul and the consequences have been catastrophic.

However, knowing taking out Williams would weaken his soul’s resale value, the devil went after those who are closest to Williams.

Then...still unwilling to give up his soul, the Devil, a big 90’s movie buff, decided to pull a Space Jam-esque move and stole Williams abilities, leaving him apparently healthy, but rendering him counter productive to the team he was playing for.

Whether he is creating goals for Apollon Limassol and Lyon while playing for Everton, or costing Wales a shot at the World Cup by helping the Irish, the INCREDIBLE speed of deterioration of Ashley Williams can only be explained by him entering into some type of bargain with the anti-christ.

(YOU have a better explanation?)

Now the Toffees are left trying to convince Ashley to give up his playing career soul and get back to some level of respectable play.

HOWEVER, If Ashley doesn’t fork over his soul soon the devil may just take every last Toffee under with him.

Be spooked. Be very spooked.


You can’t kill him.

He’s zombie Kenwright

Of course, the choice of manager ahead for Kenwright, Moshiri and the rest of the Everton board is as important as it is difficult.

Check out this break down of candidates based on risk/reward.

(No, it’s not perfect but it’s a good jumping off point.)

It notes the need to simultaneously address the short AND long term future of the club, not just react to the immediate.

However, the more forward thinking you are, the more you risk putting the present (AND the future) in peril.

Trying to balance reestablishing a base upon which to move forward and actually moving forward presents a unique conundrum.

I, along with most Everton fans, are trying their best to be positive about the managerial selection, but the longer it goes on and the more ‘targets’ that rebuff an approach from the Toffees, the more it seems Everton may end up with a candidate who may be low risk, but is also low reward.

Not exactly where Everton fans thought they would be just a few months ago, but you have to deal with the awful tactics of the former manager the cards you are dealt so I’ll have my fingers crossed.

Here’s to hoping they get it right!!

In better news...the kids are alright.....

Maybe we could have kept this guy around???

This has nothing to do with football but I like Stranger Things....and reformed (?) petty criminals...

Moving on.....

This was a good read.

As I alluded to above, Everton exists in perpetual soccer purgatory and this piece of the article above sums that up wonderfully:

I’m sorry to say this I truly am, but when does spending £120 million in a single transfer window, (forget the Net Spend malarkey please) give us the right to expect a man with a track record to want to come to Goodison Park? Lets not kid ourselves eh? We aren’t even a medium sized club in the financial whirlwind that is Football today.

For comparison, Manchester City spent more this summer to improve JUST THEIR DEFENCE, than Everton spent total. Bill Kenwright once said he was “A Millionaire trying to compete with Billionaires” Fahrad Moshiri is a Billionaire trying to compete with Multi Billionaires.

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum – Nothing But The Best Is Good Enough. A motto and statement that Everton Football Club have lived by for over 140 years. But when the Best don’t want to come to Everton, you can’t force them to.

Of course Everton FANS would love to see Carlo Ancellotti or some other big name manager ride in to save the day, but that type of assumption of grandeur is exactly what got the Toffees into this position.

The new reality of the Premier League is that EVERY match is difficult, and while there are those teams who spend more money, it does not equate to automatic success on the field as the managers, scouts and clubs in general have done an extraordinary job of bringing in young talent who is not only EXCITED by the chance they have, but more often than not CAPABLE of getting it done.

From Kante to Richarlison, teams like Leicester and Watford have shown an ability to bring in less-heralded players who are more than capable than standing toe-to-toe with big money signings.

Whether it be next managerial or player signing, the Toffees need to reorient themselves to the new environment or risk being left behind waving the flags of the 80’s and 90’s wondering what happened.’s like once they started playing better teams he couldn’t score....who could have seen that coming???

Psst... flat track bully?


Michael Jackson

I know what you’re thinking.

Wow, recommending one of, if not THE, most highly rated albums of all-time. Thanks for the insight.

However, sometimes you have to be so far removed from something to truly appreciate how great it truly is.

Go back and have another listen and remind yourself why this album will be around forever. Also, what better time to dust this vinyl off than at Halloween?

FAVORITE TRACK: Beat It? Thriller? Billie Jean? P.Y.T? HOW CAN YOU CHOOSE???

OK...OK....OK.....if I HAVE to, it’s Billie Jean.

After the Disco

Broken Bells

Like Thriller, this is not a brand new album (2014), but it has stayed in my rotation since the first time I heard it.

There is something about this album that just works so perfectly for me.

Admittedly an acquired taste, I consider myself a Bells addict. Start at the beginning, listen all the way through, and come out the other side a better person.

FAVORITE TRACK: Holding on for Life

Meaning of Life

Kelly Clarkson

Listen, you can say what you want about KC... yeah...that’s what I call her...but there is no denying she is INCREDIBLY talented. (She won American Idol back when the contestants were genuinely talented and people actually watch.)

This album feels like she is trying to get back to singing songs that fight for the underdog, what better way to identify with Everton fans than that huh??

Check out Fire.

It’s a great reminder of exactly what Clarkson can do.


Goodbye until next week by fellow Toffees, when hopefully we will have even brighter days ahead.