Everton have been frustrated lately on the transfer market. Roberto Martinez has been rebuffed time and again by high prices and bold Premier League teams who have been snagging solid players from right under Toffee noses. After extensive consultations with chairman Bill Kenwright, Martinez is on the verge of making a surprise announcement.
Royal Blue Mersey are pleased to bring you the scoop of the summer. Roberto Martinez will be donning Everton's royal blue kit for the first time as a player as well. He will also be occasionally seen in the new Toffee pyjamas, aka the white away kit with striped sleeves.
Emboldened by his lack of success in the summer mercato, Martinez has instead chosen to swap his trademark brown brogues for his studs. In addition, he has promised Kenwright that with this move there will be no more catcalls asking about the 'Arteta money'. He did score 26 goals in 382 appearances as a player and has often been overheard at Finch Farm commenting that he could still easily outrun Gareth Barry who has made 562 appearances in the Premier League.
Martinez has chosen Everton's Asia Cup tour to Singapore to show off his silky skills, as evidenced by this lay-up for Romelu Lukaku to hammer home. His popularity in the world's most populous continent is at an all-time high, as is just about anyone's who has any sort of connection to the Premier League.
No older football players were harmed in the making of this parody post.