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Everton Transfer Rumors Roundup 7/24/14

The lack of activity on Everton's transfer front rubs the caustic spot on my funny bone.

Wait! #LukakuSignsWeRiot!!
Wait! #LukakuSignsWeRiot!!
Paul Thomas

Some players are already becoming household names even before we've seen them play a minute in Everton's spiffy new away kit. We will not be mentioning Muhamed Besic and David Henen as they've already seen plenty of airplay here, and instead we'll do a quick round-up of all the other players that the Blues have been (not) linked with.

We start with the good news though - Everton will (mercifully) not be signing Steven Caulker. It seemed ridiculous that he was linked with the Blues to begin with, but he just inked a four year deal with Queens Park Rangers to partner in central defence with role model Rio Ferdinand. That pair should be a shoo-in for any speed (lack thereof) and lead-footed awards at the end of the season.

Ogenyi Onazi, the 21-year-old Nigerian midfielder, is a name we've heard before. He was linked with both the Blues and Liverpool in January, but stayed at Lazio in Italy. His agent is currently in Rome getting in line to see the Pope trying to work out a new deal. Now it looks like Southampton have joined in the bidding war too, for Onazi that is, not to see the Pope. At the rate the RS have been raiding Southampton, Brendan Rodgers might as well be the second coming of Cnut the Great - here, go brush up on yer history.

French midfielder Clement Grenier has been linked with Everton, but might be on the backburner for Roberto Martinez. Lyon's President Jean Michel Aulas has dismissed speculation that he is an Arsenal target, and a Newcastle bid has already been turned down. Lyon's evaluation for the player is €15m and AC Milan are also interested. It's been difficult finding any French players as the Toon are busy bidding for anyone not physically nailed down. Rumor has it they'll be playing a couple of home games across the Channel this upcoming season - we'll take an away day on the Riviera, the French version not the Tyne Riviera, thank you.

While we're on midfielders, we haven't heard about the 'Finnish Xavi' Roman Eremenko for over a week. His £40,000 a week wages have been the stumbling block. The Rubin Kazan ace is also wanted by a host of Russian clubs - Zenit St Petersburg, Dynamo Moscow and CSKA Moscow to name a few. The feeling around here is we better get the lad locked up before Vladimir Putin decides to step in.

The new and improved (?) Manchester United lined up the other day in Netherland's 3-5-2 to accommodate all their midfielders and forwards. No surprise Einstein, since Louis Van Gaal is the manager and the red half of Mancunia has been acting like One Direction have taken up residence at Old Trafford. In all honesty though, David Moyes set the bar so low that even Tyrion Lannister could sidle up to it (Bonus points if you got that GoT reference, have a drink on me). What we did notice though was Tom Cleverly looked quite out of place with that setup, as did Shinji Kagawa. Both names should be on the Blues' radar if LVG decides they are surplus to requirement.

We have previously mentioned Colombian striker Carlos Bacca on these pages. Sevilla have reported no contact with Everton regarding the transfer of the forward. This might be one to still keep an eye on should Martinez fail to ink Romelu Lukaku, who has also caught the interest of Italian champions Juventus. Speaking of Juventus, there is never a bad time to rehash this from last summer.

Another story we reported on earlier has not gained any further traction. Everton have enquired about a loan deal for young Ghanaian striker Christian Atsu. The Chelsea player spent last season at Vitesse Arnhem in Netherlands before playing in the World Cup. A deal for him would then make a loan deal for Lukaku impossible as Premier League rules forbid taking on more than one loan from one team. Celtic and Aston Villa are also interested.

While we're on about Ghanaian World Cup forwards, Spartak Moscow are looking to offload Abdul Majeed Waris this summer. He scored nine goals in sixteen games for Valenciennes in France while on loan last season. Standard Liege of Belgium are in pole position for his signature.

Rumors of Tim Cahill's return to the Premier League might have been premature, with Queens Park Rangers and Sunderland both reportedly interested. To all the other teams in the League thinking they'll get the Goodison hero before Everton.. I'll leave you with something in Aussie - "you've got Buckley's".

We should clear the air about what transpired with Demba Ba. His agent said the Blues had agreed terms with the Chelsea striker, but Ba, a devout Muslim, was overjoyed by the opportunity to play in an Islamic country and chose Besiktas instead. I suppose he could have played for Birmingham or Bradford just as easily, but who am I to judge?

MK Dons youngster Brendan Galloway has failed to report to training there and has been seen around the youth setup, including flying to Austria for training with the Blues. Compensation for the Dons seems to be the hangup there so far.

England international James Milner has expressed his dissatisfaction at how Manuel Pellegrini has been using him at Manchester City, and has been looking for more regular football. While Everton have been linked with him in the past too, Liverpool's name has been thrown into the hat as well this week. This is not necessarily news, as Liverpool have been linked with just about every transfer this offseason. They even tried to hijack bus-to-train transfers a couple of nights ago when they were in the Boston Common, bloomin' Reds.

*The opinions expressed in this article are written in jest and solely the writer's; they do not in any way reflect the views of the blog Royal Blue Mersey or SB Nation. No offence was meant to any fanbase, religious group or secret cult, and I sincerely apologize if any was conveyed - Calvin @Mr_Faded_Glory*